|
Commitment Ceremony -FAQs and their answers- |
| Why now?
Why not now? We’ve been in love for 17 years (a prime number, by the way), and have lived in our lovely home together for 13 years (another prime number). As a matter of fact, we consider July 4th weekend to be our “anniversary”. That was when we first confessed to each other we were in love - back in 1983! We were ready to celebrate publicly what we (and our friends) already knew - we’re a committed couple. What did you do in the ceremony? We signed our legal documents (powers of financial & medical attorney, wills, "pre-nuptial", and state/county declarations of domestic partnership in a ceremony filled with aspects of nature spirituality and ritual. See our Commitment Ceremony Photo Album for details and the full script and choreography. Who created the ceremony? We did. During the planning phase of the ceremony, we got little visions and ideas about various components of the ceremony. We drew upon our experience in celebrating the cycles nature as practioners of Wicca to thread our ideas into a robust ritual. Who officiated the ceremony? No one person officiated the ceremony. We had one of our nieces who had some theatre experience serve as a "Mistress of Ceremony", for the beginning and the ending of the ceremony. Our spiritual sisters each took a turn facilitating an aspect of the ritual, according to the script that we created. Since our ceremony was very complex in content, an annotated script was passed from facilitator to facilitator as each took her turn. I thought gay/lesbian people couldn’t get married? We can’t But there’s more than one way to reap the benefits. That’s why we created our own ceremony and legal documents. One thing we will never be able to do no matter how many documents we sign is receive social security or medicare benefits based on our partner’s entitlements. But that’s really not an issue for us; both of us are career professionals who will have our own social security and medicare benefits (providing the nation still has the money when it’s our turn to collect it...). We also can never be each other's next-of-kin. This is significant for things like deciding what to do with one's partner's remains after death. It's also important, of course, in all legal matters. Wills and the like are more easily questioned than a marriage certificate. They can be more costly to maintain too, and they are not necessarily recognized in other states and countries like a marriage certificate. What did you wear (where did you get your outfits)? Barbie wore a two-piece washable silk hunter green flowing outfit. The tunic front was a textured weave, with the skirt fabric had a smooth almost suede feel. Shelley wore a smartly-tailored black cotton weave dress with a black and white batik-print vest. Surprise surprise. We both found our outfits on the same shopping excursion at Macy's in the big-ladies department. And they were on sale! Did you register somewhere for gifts? We had mixed feelings about this, but finally conceeded that if we didn't, we might recieve gifts we had no need for. So we did indeed register and created a wish list. Follow this link to learn more about what we had to say about gifts. Did you exchange rings? We had matching rings, with a Celtic Knot design, made by a jeweler in Sierra Madre (see our resources page for details). Ironically, we had already decided on a ring style somewhere else, and were on our way to order it when, on a whim, we stopped at this other jeweler's. She had a number of custom-designed pieces. When we slipped this particular design on our fingers, it spoke deeply to our hearts. We knew that we had found the perfect ring design. How did you find/choose your suppliers? We used the Gay Community Yellow Pages, the Pasadena Pacific Bell Smart Pages, and the internet. Our choices were based on price and convenience to us, as well as the ability of the vendor to accommodate our needs. ALL of our suppliers (except the bubbles and the disposable cameras we bought via the internet) wound up to be local businesses! See our resources page for details. How DID the vendors react to the queerness of your occassion? With a few exceptions ALL of our suppliers were very positive and absolutely delighted for us. The Macy's gift registry lady was helpful, warm, non-judgemental, and was as excited for us as for any other couple. When we told our cake supplier saleswoman that it was for us, she smiled big (her pierced tongued showing) and informed us the women who had just exited the store had just ordered a cake for a commitment ceremony. Our caterers didn't really understand what the event was for (they assumed it was a graduation party because of the venue and time of year) but when they found out that evening, they were thrilled to pieces, and watched the entire ceremony with great interest over the garden wall. The catering manager's wife wished that she could have had a ceremony like ours for HER wedding. And our florist, coincidentally (!?), happened to be a gay man... As we were deciding on suppliers, we had only two slightly negative experiences, and we don't think they were based on homophobia. One was a case of a sullen under-communicative underpaid under-informed teen reluctantly minding the store. The other was poor store management with uncoordinated gift-registries between stores. How many guests did you have and who were they? We have a very big personal universe, and it has been an incredibly supportive universe throughout the years. We had nearly 150 guests at our commitment ceremony. Our immediate families, some aunts, uncles, and cousins, friends from many facets of our lives, and professional colleagues were there. About 30-50% of our guests were gay or lesbian, and certainly the majority of our guests were women. There were about 10 children there, ranging in age from 3months to 13 years. The oldest guest was born in 1912. Everybody got along with each other very well. We want to have a commitment ceremony. What are your words of wisdom to us? How's "married" life? We both thought that it wouldn't be different. After all, we've lived together as a committed couple for a long time. We were both surprised at how strongly the ceremony deepened our bond with each other. For us, the public ritual of a commitment ceremony cemented a special bond between one another, and between us and our community of guests! |
| Home | Ceremony Photo Album | Resources | Contact Us |