| I did not know my father as well as many children
know their fathers, but I did like him. My parents split up when I was
too young to know that I was supposed to miss his fathering. We began
a long and slow reacquaintance when I was about 13. Over the years,
I learned that we were very much alike: innately musical, extremely technophilic,
naughty sense of humor, loved writing, loved the comics, and loved women.
I mourn the lost opportunities, but cherish the unwitting gifts of personality
that I shared with him.
We buried his ashes a few days ago. I was compelled to create
a ceremony to facilitate a final farewell. I brought several pieces
of nature with me to represent aspects of Bob's personality:
-
A feather, representing the the element air, associated with communication
skills and intellect;
-
An Apache Tear rock, representing the fire in the middle of the earth,
associated with passion and his passions;
-
A cowrie shell, representing the oceans, lakes, and streams, associated
with emotion and love (also physically resembling that other wet place
that he loved so much);
-
A sprig of lavender, representing the earth, in particular associated with
sweet dreams so that he may have them in his place of rest and we may have
them about him.
I placed these items in the ground, invoking the memories that each were
intended to represent. The groundskeeper lowered the box of ashes
into the ground. We each took turns throwing a shovelful of dirt
into the hole to help bury him. This was cathartic and poignant,
in that it was a definitive act of closure and farewell. The natural
beauty of the surrounding foliage and tranquility of the outdoor setting
were consoling, and helped remind me that life and death are but natural
cycles of nature. I took solace in that knowledge, and was grateful
to have been in the process of getting to know with my father, even though
it was not for long enough.
Link to
Dana's Eulogy
|
Bob at the organ, Christmas 1957.
Camping near Mammoth Mountain, circa 1957.
Bob the jokester, late 1970's.
I have no recent photos of my father. |